


HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE

by MarrissaTheWriter (Doombly)



Series: ADVENTURES OFF MARRISSA ROBERTS [4]
Category: BioShock Infinite, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Portal (Video Game), Team Fortress 2
Genre: F/M, Gen, HOT ROMANSE, INTENSE DRAMAKSHUN, SPOLIERS FOR HARRY P!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-10
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-28 23:21:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 16,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2750948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Doombly/pseuds/MarrissaTheWriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>EXPEREENCE THE UNTOLD STORY BEFORE ITS MY LIFE! OF HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE! REED TEEN FORTRESS 2 FOR A FULL UNDERSTAND.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. DEPTHLY HOLLOWS

**Author's Note:**

> Hey GUYS GIRLS AN OTHER THINGS I thot I was retried but then just yesturday I had in ideeea that was to good to sit on! I thot bout how the story of Marrissa Roberts was fully telled but then I rembered how I never explained the backstory plots of Wheatly an Jenny Weesley an Gale from when the killed Mr. Sanpe in TEEN FORTRESS 2 an realized there was A HOLE UNTOLD STORY TO TELL.
> 
> SO HERE IT IS!
> 
> EXPEREENCE THE UNTOLD STORY!

PS I NEVER RAED THE BOOKS AN ONLY SAW MOVIES OF 3 (THE TIME MASHNE 1 AN DEPTHLY HOLLOS 1 AND 2) SO I MIGTH GET SOME STUFF WRONG OKAY?

**HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE!**

**Chapter 1: DEPTHLY HOLLOWS**

                Hi my name is Hatty Potter an I live in Hogwurts in British England a school of magical magic. I haf a litening bolt scare on my fourhead from wen I was a babby an bad guys killed me mum an dad (AN: That’s more brit talk). I was the choosen one to stop a evil dude named VLODMORT he was the baddest ever.

Rite now my BBFs fourever Jenny, Hemoany an Ron ranned up to me with battal anger from the fiting. “Harry you soddin bollock!” Ron britished into my face. “Lots a DETH DEALERS an monsters is comin we are all most overruned!” He derp faced at how we wood beet the big odds.

I miled with the happy. “Its okie dokies blokes, I alsready fownd the last horcox an killed Voldermrtr so its all bloody good!”

“NUH UH!” Screemed Herman with yells. “THERES STILL THE BACKUP COMIN RITE NOW!”

I o-mouthed as I saw a ton a Death Dealas comin up at us to revenge Voldernts kill. Jenny said with gingerine sweet to me “U has to stopped them Harry Ive got a speshal reward for you Harry after words winkwink.” I o-mouthed again but this time it was happy so I gut my wand to say

“EXPECTO PETROLEUM!!” But no thing happened an the dealers lolled at us becos I was soo tired form the fite I cudant magic at them. Then I saw a pointy stick at the ground and piked it up. “I can use it as a speer1” I troughed the speer an it went into the 1st Death Dealsers face an out his brain an it got brain and blood on the others an the brains had prions in tehem so they got reel sick an died to.

“GOOD BLODDY JOB HARRY POTTER U BLOOD WANKED EM LIKE A PRO!!!2111” Ever One screemed loud at me with cheers. Ront Jenngy and Hermoyn lifted me up with shoulders I was waved at all the cheerin people cuse the day was saved! Or soo I thotts…

TWO MOUTHS LATER

                Hogtwarts was rebuilted an things was back to proper normal. I was in teh cummon room wile Ron was off buggerin a wank. Thats wen the intercalm came on an said “HARRY POTTAR REPORT TO THE HEADMISTERS OFFACE RITE NOW!1`32” So I wet strate there.

                Befour the fnial battle a creepy teacher named Snape killed principle Dumbldeore an got away but Velderent killed him good becos nobody licks a dobble crosser so we had a new headmasters. The new headmonster was a nice beard man named was Gobo Fraggle (AN: Hes not the Fraggle Rocks one hes parents just really licked the show wen they was kiddies).  
                CRUCHN said the door to Headmiser Fraggles orifice there was still lots of bones from dead death dealers an blood an guts becos that stuffs hard to cleen eve with magic. Gobo was smoking a pipe of cannibals so I scrutched my face at the bollucking drugs.

                “Ah Harry mah Golden Boy” Gobo spuffed drug smoke all over me so I got MAD. But he did a magic so I woodant be angry. “Theres no time for that Harry Potato I hane some noos.”

                “Wot (AN BRITASH FOR WAT) are u talkin a bout Dumbledore I thot we killed alls the bad guys?” I said confusion.

                He got reel quite. Then loud. “SNAPE IS A LIFE!1222111112111“`111”

TO BE CONITUED!

WELL THAT WASANT TO MUCH A SHOKIN REVEEL SINS U ALSREDY NO THAT FROM THE TEEN TORTES 2 BU IT SETS TEH MOOD. NECKS TIME THERE ILL BE A SCARY INCOUNTER WIF SOME NEW CHARS!32


	2. PLAINS TRAINS AN SEXXXY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELCOMED BACK TO HARRY POTTRE AN THE KILL OF SNAP WERE MORRE WILL BE REVEELED ASLO YULL MEET SOME NEW CARS IN THIS ONE U CAN LEARN MOER BOUT THEM IN BUSSINESS MANS STORY INFINITEY: A SPACE ODDITY ITS GOOD AN HAS KERBALS WICH I GUESS ARE LIKE THOSE FURBAL TOYS FORM THE TIME THEY CAME OWT THAT HAD SPY RECORDERS IN THEM.
> 
> SO ANYAY

**HATTY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE!**

**CHAPTER 2: PLAINS TRAINS AN SEXXXY**

                I o-muthed into disbleef it was unposable I had seed Snapes kill with my own eye’s!112~!! “Im surry Harry said Gobo Fraggle” he did a trick evven Voldernt was fooled I think. I pumped my fists on the table like crasy becos I was soo bloody wankin made.

                “NSAPE MUST BE BROT TO JUDMENT!141!!!” I pronunciated with most bullocky. Then door went open an Jenny Came In.

                “Harry Potter wat are u doin here?” Jenny confused to me.

                “Lol I cold ask you th esame thing.” I lolled back.

                “I half called both of u here for a import misshun.” gOBO putted way his drug smoke pipe becos ust it was serios time. “Yur right Harry Snape m be brot to judgemens an it will be up to u 2 to do” he stop to lol a teeny bit at the good pun so we did too “it.”

                Jenny looked to me with a frite in her lyes. “Ife hes that powerful ho cold we ever findate him?” She ased with smartly.

                “Thats a good Q but we already trakked him down with onna are drones.” Gobo constituted.

                I frond at his dum mistake. “Headmister Fraggler why dont we just kill with a drone strike then?” His drugging musta clooded his bran up like a druggy JERK. But he was das headmanager (WICH IS BRITISH FOR PINCIAL IF YUR CONFUSE) so I coodant call him out.

                Gobo Fraggle just lolled an leened back innis chair an smoked more cannibals. “LOL Harry Potter or shod I say Harry Dumpster we alsready tried that his magic is too strength we a need a seekrit attack.”

                I looked a Jenny in her face eyes an she looked at mines an we did a nod with are heads. “Allrite then he is traveled alls the way to from British England to American USA an is under cocer as a teacher at PORTAL High School so yull go in under cover an beet him at his own game (AN:  GEDDIT BECOS PORTAL IS GAME BUT HARRY PS NOT).

“U will both need to use yur strongth but Jenny will you make the final blow.” He taked of a nife an handed gave it to Jenny “This nife is made of silver so it can kill werewolfs.”

Jenny notted an put the nife in her chests becos laddies store stuffs there all the time so it woodant be suspishous for the to serch her bra. “So we get to Portal High Chool?”

Gobo taked more stuff from his pockts an gave me four tikts. “Theese are ticekts for the Hogwarts trane to the British Areport an tickets for there to a flite to Portal High School we most be low tech an magic so we dont alter Snape.” It lall made sins so I agreed an put the tickets in my pockt cus Im a male guy so I dont ware a bra to put stuff in my chests with.

We sade by to Ron an Hermoiny but they was snoggin a make out (AN IN BRITISH THEY SNOGG FOR KISSIN FOR SOMERISIN ITS WEERD) those bloody wonks coodant wate for a few mins so we leeved anyway. But we wen we got the egg sit we saw somethin bad. It was… SNAPES 2 GOONS IGGY AND HUEY!!!1112211

“Oh bloody tea an crumpts its are ‘old frendl’ Harry Potpie an Jenny Worsely!” Trolled them with lollin. “Were u guys headund to anyway?”

“No off your biesness” I spitted like a cobra into theirs. “Now leeve the way you soddin gits or ill wank you up good21!!” I said showin my wand that was all scarred from fightan Vloderernt an it went sparks to scare them.

Huey pooped a little but Iggy was more mean an brave so he taked a snow ball form his poket an crushed it on Jennys head with mean so I got REEL MAD now an shotted him with a magic bolt called crooshio that made him have a period an sins guys dont get those the bood cudant come out any were so it was fillin him all up with cramps. They ran a way but Iggy exploded into blood that got on Loopa an Ron an Hermanie but they was soo buys mackin out they didant notice and keept snugging.

“Servers them rite,” Jenny grumped Iggys period had gotten blood on her fav robe but it was okie dokie becos we wood sivillian close outside any way. The snowall was still meltin on my head so I did a warm spell on Jenny to make it go way as we excited the front door.

Outside was more bad… Mr. Norris the jantor was glarin at us with his MoP ready for a combat fite!

“Wats all this then?” I britished at him.

“YOU CANNOT PASS ME TO FIGHT SNAPE I WONT LET U UN LESS YUR WORTAHY!12141” He said yellin with super lowd.

“Ut why?”

“I DNOT TRUST GOBO FRAGGLE HES A DRUGGY JERK SO IF HE THINSK YUR THE RITE OENS FOR THE JOB THAN YOU MUST BE UN WORTHY!1!!” He yelled so much lots of foamy fome spit went all from his mounth and onto places.

“We are worthy your just trollin stupid” Genny said back more angry. I nodded with a glare to make him fear me. Also wen Im angry my litening bolt scare gets brite an glowy ever sins I killed Voldernmourn.

“THEN U MUST PROOVE URSELVES BY FITING ME IN KARATY1131!!!!” He got into the pose of the marshal’s arts but I dident have time the train wood leave soon.

I didant want to kill Mr. Norris because hes a good dude just misgutted so instead I used a spell that makes u have amneesha so he woodant no ho I am or Jenny.

“OH NO WERE AM I” He amneeshaed to us so Jenny lolled and went.

AN: IM SKIPPING THE WALK TO THE TRANE PART BECOS NOTHIN EXITING HAPPENED AN SOMETIEMS U HAVE TO SKIP THAT SSTUFF FOR THE GOOD STORY.

The train was mostly first yeers so made em cleen are shoes with there tunges becos were upper clansmen an its the Frist Yeers tradishun to do that. Sins Im the Boy Whos A Life we got first class with in train movie “Beevis an Butt Hole” (SINS ITS PAST TIMES SO IT WOOD STIL BE ON TV). We were lollin at the funny fun antacks of those but got boreded an turned it off later.

“Jenny Im boooored” I pouty voiced with hands on arms. Jenny smiled an stated up. “I no somethin we can do for time pass.” Her rob fell of reveelin her gingry sweetness an I gropped her with love.

We musta been a little to loudly sins I looked up from the sexin an saw a bunch a first yeers watchin us thru the door open! Jenny saw dos an o-mouthed in horrer! I cudant let those first yeers see us humpin an pumpin like that so I taked out my time travail watch and went back into time.

Time went all slo mo to reversing an the first yeers leaved so it was all good. I was a bout to to turn it of wen I saw two creepy guys in the time streem a man an a women in suites with redful hare getting reel mad lookin at me. Then the cloak stoped an Jenny and I (THAT IS THE PROPER GRAMMER) were back to befour so we woodant get caught.

MEENWHILE IN THE TIME STREEM:

"This will be a good ttest for yur abilities Skepness Man are aprentise," Britished the creepy mans an woman at the same time at onse. "Follows them an mak sure time goes the righter way." Skepness Man notted an put on his time mashine jet pack."

BACK INTO THE TRAIN STOP

                CHEW CHEW said the train abs it landed at British Areport in the city of Longdon Englind. Jenny an I got owt while kissin all lovely an I was touchin her bom for goose. The airplane port was full a other peole goin to around the world be we blended with the crowd good.

                Ut then… A Gir yelled “HAI THAT’S HARPY POTTER!’ Everyone o-mouthed “OMG HARRY PORTER!1122” A big crowd went round us an all the girls were flashin me to show off there gozongos an the gay guys were flashin me there man balls but I didant care for neither since my only had a eyes for Jenny. “We gotta gets you outta here Harry!” Jenny said grapin my arm.

                The groopies an fan gurls kept comin so Jenny kicked a roundhouse at them to make thems fall over an die. “HES MINE YA PERVY SLOOTS!11!!” She said lettin her gingery blood of Irish out.

                “This is bad Harry if ever one keeps reocgnizing you then Snape will never be fool” She was worryin with scare. “We must change yur appear!”

                “But how if use magic Snape will just un spell me?” I was worred and thinkin bout wat Mr. Norris said before I killed him that I wasant rite for the job. Jenny grabed my head to twist it so I cold see a store in the airport that said “Dr. Lettuce Plaster Sergery.”

                “That’s IT! We can change my looks an name wither plaster surgery!” I said to me. Jenny said YEAH becos it solved all are probs easy.

                I goed into inside the store inside the areport an Jenny was from behind we saw a counter with a mans a lady of redful hair an doctors close. “Cheerio” They britished at the same time together.

                Somethin was weerd here an I scratched my scratch chin in thot. They looked just lick the ones I sawed in the time streem but they wasnt wearin Dr. Close so I guess was just a coinside.

                The lady came first. “I am Drs. Rosalad Lettuce an this is my brother Robert.” Robot Lettuce did a wave from the conters behind.

                Jenny was all bissness for this so took the rains. “Im Jenny Weesly and this is my fancy boy Harry Potter he needs sum plaster surgery to look more different so no none can recognize.

                Rosilin thinked on it for a second. Robart was eatin a sandwich that didant have any manayse wich I thot was pretty creepy becos ever one likes manayse. “That’s a easy do, common brother.” Roslalond ordered. He had eated ¾ of the sandwich but had to stop.

                “Dont wrry Jenny ill be rite back,” I said an went thru the door with Rosalond. Robot took the q-sand an went after closin the door.

                “All Right Wheatly thisll not hurt” Lettuced Robert.

                “Huh?” I went who was Wheatly? Rosilian slipped her four head an growled.

                “U idot that is to soon!”

                “Sorry I forgot it was not then” He bushed an handed Roisland a cutter nife.  Frnech music started playin. “It will calm the nervers.” She say wile Rothbart anatheseaed me an I went uncosious.

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

**WELL THAT SMORE EXITE DON’T YOU ALL THINK? NEXT TIME THEY GET TO AMERICAN USA OF AMERCA AN PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL ALSO THERE WILL BE A SHOKIN ORIGIN REVEEL OF A FAN FAV CHAR!2111!!! FIND OUT NECKS TIME**


	3. RIDE TO PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRITE JUST IN TIME FOR HAPPY CHRISTMAS AN TH OSE OTHERS THAT ARE HARD TO SPELL HEERS THE NOO CHAPPYTER.
> 
> THE LAST CAHPTER WAS HARD TO RITE CAUSE OF ALL THE ROMANSE OF JEENY AN HARRY SINS HARY IS WHEATLY AN WHEATLHY BELONGS TO MARRISSA ONLEE!!111!! DONT WORRY THO JENNY ILL GET WHATS COMMON TO HER.

**HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE!**

**CHAPTER 3: RIDE TO PORTAL HIGH SCHOOL**

I waked up in the Lettuce doctors room all gruggy an a sleep Jenny was there lookin nervos an saw me awake so she said "OMG Harry u gotta see yur new fase!"

Bobert Lettuce took a mirro form some were an heiled it up to me an I saw my tranfarm. I o-mouthed it was a compleet change I was nowo tall with blond hare an glasses an like nerd but no scar of litening an also a more diffrant voice. 

"Woah this is bloody unmazing yur a geinus of sod gits oh god save the queen!" I britished in a amaze at there work.

"Thats why weer the best in the biss." Prouded Rosalalonde Lettuce with proud. 

The sergery was done Jenny already paid wile I was bein in recovery. "Common Harry its almost time for are flite." I nodded a thanks to Drs. Lettuce and leaved with Jenny to the plane terminal.

Gobo Fraggle had wents all out an we had onest class seets with extra leg roam an features. Sexcurity wasant hard to by pass sins 911 didant happen yet so they didant have any. We interned the plane an went to are seets. 

There were 3 seets in a row an Jenny had the window seet an I had the middel an somone else had the edge row set. I seated down an Jenny kissed my new cheek becos it was shiny an smoothe like baby fat becos I was bran new.

A other guy came to sit next to me. "Hi I'm a hobbit." The guy said he was... a hotttib!!!12 "Well Im Jenny Weesley" I said then after hjer I went to say my name but then I realized I coodant sins I was under cover.

I thinked for a min an rembered how the Robert Lettuce called me "Wheatly" so I said "My name is Wheatly"

"Nice to met you" He tolkiened then the intercokmm happened.

"Hey passingers its yur captain Wittaker I just wanted to let u now my ldittle son Wip Wittaker wants to be a pilots when he grows up so Im lettin him fly the plain. Dont worry Im being the co pilot to make sure its all gopod plus dont worry he learned from the best!"

The plone floated up in to the sky with take off so I went asleep.

Ours later I waked up with sumthin fooly round in my pants. I looked over an smiled at Jenny but she was eatin lemonade wif her headfones on so who wads in my pants?

I looked down to there an saw... THE HOBBIT HAD HIS HAND DOWN MAH PANTS@121!!@!111 "GET OF ME YOU PEDOFILE PERVERT!121!!!" tHE hOBBIT o-mouthed wen he realized I new I was awake so I taclked him to floor.

Ever one started cheerin an hootin cause they thot it was a in fligh wressling match sins u never no wat to expect in first class. We were rollin all round the isle nockin some pepole out of there seets an a baby started cryin.Jenny went to up to standin.

"Stop him!2" Jenny creamed so the Hobbit went up an ripped her shirt off. "OH WEMS" The stewards got distract by seein Jennys full milking teats exposaed becos they were lesbians an so they didant help me fight the hobbit lie they opposed to. 

It was no more Mr. Nice time so I jump kicked the Hobbit into the exite door. Then I probed the door open so he was sucked out into the sky but then the suckshun from the jet engine pulled him in an he was sucked in an lots of blood squirted out an went all over the windows.

Becos of all the blood no none on that side off the plane could see the landin so they had to get a refund. Jenny got a new shirt to so pepole woodant stare an the stewardses got a pay deducshun for not helpin me fite the pedofile pervert hobbit. We excited the plane an leaved to the front of the areport.

"Hey u there its yur ride!" Jenny grapbed my arm an turnsed me to see a limo with two guys one a guy a girl standin outside wif pick up sines sayin "Jenny Weesly an Wheatly." It was... ROBOT AN SORILAND LETTUCE!11!~!~!!~!!!!

"Rob bert an Rosalond Lettuce?" Jenny gaped. "Wot are u donin here wasnt yur drs back in British England.

The two lolled an said "No you most me are cousins they look alot like us." That made sins so we went into inside the limo wile Robert gotted are bags. 

"Sorry brother the trunk is brakened so yull have to follow." Rosiliand sayd from the driver seet. Robot got a UHH WTF? look onto his face but we speeded off with him still holdin the baggy luggage so he had to run afters us.

Me an Jenny lolled at the funny prank an Rosalad lolled too but didant REMBER THE FIRST RULE OF RODE and took of her eyes off the rode so the limo a old lady an fliped an flied into the air a spiralded an crashexd into a zoo. Ropbert o-mouthed an draped the luggage to run at the crash car.

Me an Jennuy used are magic sheeld powers to be un hurt but Rosilind was uncosious in the front seet. Robert Lettuce teared the door off (AN: WHEN PEPELS LOVED ONES ARE IN HURT THEY CAN GET SUPER STRENGHT SOME TIMES ITS TRUE I SAW IT ON DISCOVERY CHANNELS). He pulled Roslined Lettuce form the reckage an she was blooding from the four head so he did RCP an she was okie dokie. 

"She will be alls rite an learned an importrant lesson about the rules of rode" Robert Lettuece instructed to us. "But we must still get medikal attenshun an the limo is totalyed so you must go a lone."

Sudcdenly "HEY U BRAKED MY KOLA EXHIBIT WITH YUR CAR CRASH NOW THE KOLA HAS ESKAPED!!1!1" A zookeeper screemed so we ran away fast.

After runnin an doggin obstacles we came to APortal High School. A old laddy with wite hair an dress said in a robot voice "Ah you most be the new exchange studants from British England! I am Prinsipal GLaDOS an YUR LATE!!!2" She was very meen. 

TO BE CONTINUED!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WILL HARRY NOW WHEATLY AN JENNY MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESS WITH PRINCPAL GLaDOS? WERES SNAPE HIDIN? WHAT IS THE LETTUCE CONSPIRACY? HOW IS SKEPNESS MAN? FIND OUT NECKS TIME!


	4. FIRST DAY OF CRASS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY GUYS ITS TIME TO CELEBRATE THE NOO YEAR WITH A NEW CHAPPIE (WHICH IS ALSO A MOVIE COMMIN OUT THIS YEER SO ITS TOPICAL) OF

**HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE!**

**CAHPTER FOURD**

FIRST DAY OF CRASS

"Welcome to Poretal High School Im yur Principal GLaDOS you your seinors right?" Princital GLaDOS asked she had a hole in her neck from where the smokin

"Yes Im Jenny Weesly" it said an I also said "My names Wheatly." 

Pirancial GLaDOS scrootched up her noses at that all disgust like. "Wheatly? That sownds like a MORON name!"

That made me REAL MAD becos I assed my SATs an ever thing so I was NOT. "I AM NOT A MORMON!!11!!!3" I yelled soo loud.

"Whatev er I dont care." A girl lick was come up from inside the Portal High School to us. "Caroline my dotter u will show them round the school an have all same classes becos Caroline is a advanace student evvven tho shes a junor."

"Hi" the gurl whoi was Carrotline waved with hand open. We waved two an it w2s happy meetin.

Principal GLaDOS frond at me an leaved to do administration. "Common guys class alsready started so iLL give you a tore of the buildin first before we have histry!"

Porta. High School was prettay cool with lots of cool studes in there classes we also saw the jim an cafetera an lots a halls with locks. A bell came that made the classes done so pepole started comin out an I got scarred theyd try to groopy me again but ever one just wented past me an Jenny an Clementine an then I rembered I was Wheatly now so I breathed a si of relive. 

But one gurl came an didant ignore us. "HEEEEY WATCH WERE YUR MOVIN LOWA CLASS!@!!!" She snobbed rite thru us pushin Jenny so hard she fell an bumped her blump. "owch!" She cried but the girl just huffed her head an kept walkin so me an Carline helped Jenny op. 

"How as that JERK?!" She umped. I was more mad to.

"Thats Bertha the Portal High Schools "Alfa B****" (AN: LOOK IT UP ON TV WORDS) Carlikne explained with a sneer from her facer. "ANway its time for Histry class." We wente to class making meen looks at Bertha an her huge butt (it was like a Kim Kandishian or Nicky Manajy burtt but (LOL) they wasant invented yet so she was a trend setter but I didant care). 

The Histry class was most full with others guys lick a solder guy, a doctor guy, a reel fat guy an also the teecher that said "Mr. Pusel" on his decks next to a apple.

"So u most be the new studes Wheatly an Jenny Wesley! I'm Mr. Purcell an I teech the histry also but I am a artsit so heers a speshal picture for you to" He gived of us a pic of me an Jenny with a dog an rabbit on the mmoon. "U can sits next to Gabe Jonson an Medic." I sat down an sayd hi to both.

"Hi Im Gabe Jonson that is my GF Carloine also watch out for my twin brothor CAVE Jonson hes evil and dose bad science I only do good science thuo."

Mr. Purcell heered Gabe talk an said, "Speaking a twins today weer going to learn bout the famous scintinists Ropert AND Rosaind Lettuce twins!" He put a slide show project an on this screen was... THE LETTUCE TWINS FORM THE AREPORT AN LIMO!!11121223!!!~!!!!!

Jenny was curios and wanted the down-lo so she rassed her hand. "How are they?" She q'ed to MrPursel. 

"They were famos scientise like George Washing Caver but with lettuce instead of peenuts but they also did insects so it wasant all good." We all notted at the wise words. "They also did research on portals an things like that an made a portal mashine but it explode and fatally killed them a long time ago." Somethin fishy was goin on I new then. I wood keep a close eye out for more info. 

Then Gabe Jonson standed up an prided "I like portals to an when I am a graduated I will invent portals an be FAMOUS!" Every one lolled at him becos that was silly.

"just look wat happen to the Lettuce Mr Jonson you dont want nothin to do with Portals" teachered Mr. Purcells.

"They went rong tryin a make a portal mashine. I will make a more better invenshun like... A PORTAL GUN!22!!" He stand up on desk like a big triumf moment in a movie an Caroline was swoonin with hartfeflt becos she also loved sience an Medik too.

Nothin else interestin hapened in Histry Class until lunch. "OH MY BLOODY SOD!!!111" Jenny screemed. "MY TUMMY HJURTS!111211!!!" She creamed clutchin her tummy. 

"Whats rong with her?" Caroline shreeked with scare. 

"OH DEER GOD SAVE THE QUEEN I NEEDS SUM FISH AN CHIPS OR TEA AN BISCUTS NO!W!!!!121" Jenny ssceamed again. I understood.

"She hasant eaten any British food for too long an must replinish. I will go get some!" I proclaminated so Mr. Purcell nodded okay so I went. "Ill hury my love!" I said an the solder made a angry face. 

I went lookin for the cafeteria but I didant find it instate I endld up at the bike turntable outside. The bike area was real big sins lots of pepole codant afford cars becos of the Grate Depression (AN: It was like the Ressheson from 2008 but even more worse an in the past). There was a weird smell in the are so I got curios an looked behin the bikes. 

Behind them was... A BUNCH OF DRUGGY JERKS!11 They was smokin pot an weed an one even had a BUNG11!!@!! But even worst one guy said "I love drugs an beer so much!" an standed up an I saw he was a brony! He had a minature horse chained up to the bykes an it was spray painted to look like rainbow dahs an he raped it a lot an the pony was cryin an the others guiys were so hi they didant care and lolled it was too much.

"YOU BUGGERS OF DRUGS ILL LEARN YOU!" I killed them good with an exploshun magic an the pony ran away cryin some more but this time in happy from been free. I went to leave but saw somethin stickin from the daed bronys body corpse it was a note with a add dress!!!!1

**TO BE CONTINUED!!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chappie will deel with some SERIOS ISSUES I lerned bout of sex traffiking an bronys is there a connection I think maybe I saw sum RELAY GROSS STUFF on Top Robot bout them.


	5. THE FIRST INCOUNTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNIN THIS CHAPT an the next one DEELS WITH SERIOS ISSUES THAT NEEED TO BE ADDURSED BOUT SEX TRAFFIKIN AN BRONYS IS THERE A CONNECTION I THINK MAYBE BECOS I SEED LOTS OF GROSE STUF AT THEM ON THE TOPPLE ROBOT SITE.

**HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE**

**CHAPTER FLIVE: THE FIRST INCONTER**

I takaed the strange not an read it to say "If u lick what u see com to the behine the school for sum pony fun! ;P" it was verry strange. So I pot in in my pucket for later. Next I went back to Jenny in the cafeter. I hope shes okay sins I codant find an7y British food for her ungrated tummy.

"Jenny are u okay?" I said into the cafeteria were Jenny was eatin some crumpets. "Huh howd it."

"Ohh hey Harry uh Wheatly my noo frend Solder found some brit food for me. That helmut guy from befor was standin next to her holdin sum more crumpits. He made a nasty smie at me an I angry faced.

The Bertha came out from the bathroom were she had bulimaed to stay hot (AN: BLUMIA IS A SUPER BAD THIN DONT DO IT) I noo that becos I used magic to find out lick a detective power but magic. "What are u lossers doin here?" She splamted as the "Alfalfa b*****" of Portal High School.

Solder standed up an said "Bertha thats not nice cant u see yur in the presents of a beauyful hot an pretty women?" He pointed to Jenny who bloodshed an I got more mad. "Common Jenny we gotta get to class any way."

Caroline waped to us saying "Are next class is math the old teech got a nasty prostate condition an had to abandon his career so now we gotta new teacher from British." Jenny an me o-mouthed it must be Snape.

"Is his name Mr. Snape?" I asked to Carolne.

"No lol hes names Mr. Sanpe." She kicked open the class dore into math class. Jenny gaped an covered her mouth becos it was… SNAPE AS THE TEACHER!

"So these are the new studs?" Mr. Sanpe grumpled with him thinking. "Wate a min. You look familiar." He stared at me but I was Wheatly now so he didant get it but Jenny looked like Jenny still. "Oh well I have to task teach but Ill keep an eye on you." He sat back at the desk for drinking a beer.

I sat down nexta Jenny Solder was also sittin next to her makin a sneermile (LIKE AN SMILE THAT'S ALSO ROOD) at me so I gave of him da finger an he stopped. Snape didant even try to teach us. He just dranked beer an said "DO YUR ASSMENTS or Ill fail you." An he burped a belch.

I just sat fulminating at anger. Snape was rite there an I cold just kill him now but I rembered how Gobo Frabble said only Jenny wood make the final blow. So in stead I just did the math assigns till the bell branged. "Get out I have techer "grading" to do but u can stay Bertha winkwink!22" I o-mouthed at the reveel of Bertha bein in affair with Snape so I was even more hated her.

Bertha bloshed an said "all rite Mr. Sanpe…" Then she saw me Jennyu an Carrotline still in there "GET LOOSE LOSSERS CANT U SEEM IM BISSY?" I made some thro up in my mouth an so did Jenny Caroline an we leaved out.

Suddently summon ran up to Carolslime with angry. "CAROLINE!11!22" She was very mad soundin. Carolin got scarred on her face an went wite. "OMG guys its my dad Busissness Lady (AN: SORRY I WAS RONG BISNESS MAN IS ACTUALLYA BISNESS LADY SO PRETEN IT WAS ALWAYS LIKE THAT).

"Caroltine I saw yur myspace (AN: THATS FASEBOOK FROM THE PAST BEFOUR FACEBOOK WAS INVENTED) an you were doin naked flashes on it! I didant rase u for that."

"IT WAS ONLY FOR GAVE NOT THE HOLE WERLD!22!" Caroine boombed back to her. Bissness Lady wasant moved tho. "You are GRONDED an have to cleen owt your moms neck hole wen it gets all mucosy form now on!" Caroline frond an cried some.

"Sorry guys I cant finiss the tore for you I gotta go clean The Hole." And Caroline an Bissness Lady leaved. Leavin us alone.

MEANWHILE SOME WHERE ELSE (IT'S A SEEKRIT STORY TWIUST SO U CANT NO YET)

"Im scare this is a more serios mission than I ever doned befour." Skepness Man said to the Lettuce twins becos he was nervos.

"Relax down Skepness Man" siad Rosaind Lettuce who was allokay now but with a hed bandage. "To be are apprentise yull have to don much more diffulct misshuns."

"Yay" agreeted Roberts. "Lick the time we had to kill JFK."

"OMGWTUF?!~!/!" Skepness Man o-mouthed with OMGing.

"Turns out he was actuallay GLaDOS is disguys gone back in tim to stop Marrissa Roberts form bein born." Roslalind said with explantion. Skepness Man nodded with head like a brave guy so they went.

Theyu went to a bandoned farm just ottside of Portal High School with a tatto man gardin it. He had both fat an mussel. "Cheery-o pip ip!" Greeted Rosaland in British, "it is are sons Birthday" she ponted to Skepness Man now in char as his undercover assign an not scared! "So we are gettin him a spesal present."

Fat an Mussel guy smiled pervy an said "Well common in my little brony" an Robot pot his hand on the Skepness Man sholder for encourage. "Go pike out a virile one son." So he went inside the inside of the bildin and the Lettuces leaved.

The horrer was all most toooooo muich for Skepness inside the place. Minature ponys were all chained up spray panted colors of MLP an neckbeard bronys were rapin them an had fedoras!11! Skepness Man wanted to fite rite then an ther. But he new it wasant time yet. He had a MISSHUN FROM GOD (AN: LOL THATS A MOVIE QWOTE BUT IN REALITY ITS ACTUALLY REGULAR MISSHUN FROM THE LETTUCE)!~

**To be continued!**


	6. BATTLE WITH THE BRONIES PART 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY YALL ITS TIME TO GET BACK TO UPDATIN FOR SUMMERTIME TO IFINISH THE STORY BUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTT  
> FIRST HEERS A SHUTOT TO SUM REVIEWS  
> TEH AOOO REVIER (SURRY I FOGOT YUR NAME): THANKS FOR THE INFO JENNY IS NOW GINNY. AS FO THE BRANIES I SEEN SOME REALLY BAD STUFF BOUT THEM ON TPLLESS ROBOT SITE AN I WATCHED A MOVE THAT THIS CHAP IS BASED ON BOUT SEX TRAFFICKIN AN THOT BOTH ISSSUES NEEDED TO BE ADD RESSED!  
> CADPEN GILLIAC: I NO YUR A FLAMER TROLL BUT U WAS RITE I MADE HARRY AN GINNY TO MEAN I WAS TRYIN TO SHOW HARRY WAS GETTING BIGH FOR HIS BRITCHERS FROM BEING THE BOY WHOS A LIFE SO HELL BE MORE BETTER IN THESE CHAPS BECOS THEY DEEL WITH MORE SERIOS ISSUES.

**HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE!**

**Cha[pter 56: Battle with the Bronies part 1**

It hjap been sereal days sins me an GINNY (correct spellin) arrived at Portal High School an we was keepin a close on on Snape waitin for the rite momentum to strike. I keeped thinkin bout the paper address I found of those bronies but the misshun was more impotent.

"Hi Wheatly said Jenny (AN: She changed her name to Jenny becos it is proper American) comin by with Solder protruding form her arm. "I have to go to spaniel class bye Jenny" said Solder an he leaved.

I was very jealousy. "Yur spendin a lot of tyme with Solder."

"Yay its for good cover." She answer.

"Will u go… al the way?" I aksed with dred.

Jenny did a sad face "I must do any thing for the misshun."

"U B*&&&** U PROMISED WED BE EACH OTHERS FIRST TIMES!1!" I screemed she was betray me so I got crazy an punched a looker.

"WELL I AM JUST TRYIN TO BRING SNAPE TO JUDGMENT ANY WAY I CAN!1!" Jeny creed an ran of into Solders warm embarase. I was made. Juts then Gabe Jonson an Caroloin.

"Wheatly we got a big a prob we fownd a pony" Gabe ponted to the Artroom class. "It is critikal!" Caroline. I ran in there like a speed an saw the pony was barely alive from the damaje. Medik was healin her up but it didant look good.

"Gabe an Carolint found her while to school" Medik explaned. I rembered the druggy jerks form before it musta been onnqa there victims!

"We hane to get her out of here." I can help a guy said. "I have a armered van we can drive her in to safety." It was a good plan so I nodded with hed an the guy taked the pone.

Next I had math wich was with Mr. Sanpe so I wood get to plot his plans. SNAPE was drinkin beer and didant even care if we did worked. I new Gobo Fraggle sayd Jeny wood make the final kill but he was a drugjerk so mebbe I cood instead. I reeched into my backpak but to realize "OH NO I LEAVED MY WAND IN BRITISH ENGLAND!11" I screemed an ever one looked up an Snape HE WOOD FIGURE ME OUT. I thinked quick an said "That is British for sports bat" so nobody cared by Snape was still suspicion.

"Well Mr Wheatly ho about u solved this problem" an he writed a huge math prob on the bored it wood take the hole class to solve! Now I didant have time to do a kill on Snape. I wood have to be more careful but it was close. After the rest of teh classin I leaved quick befour Snape cud do a question on me.

"Hmmmmmm" throated Snape as I out the door. "Ill have to keep a more closer eye on this Wheatly chap." He britished.

Into the hall;ways I was headled for lunch where I saw a real fat kid named Heavy eatin his fav sandwich. Thats when I rembered the Robert Lettuce anhis no manayse q-sand and it all clacked together. Those Lettuces Mr. Pursel was teach about lived in the past, an in the past manayse wasant invented yet! Thats why he didant eat Manayse…. He…. The one form the past!

Befour I could o-mouth in shockul discovery Gabe an Cartilage ranned in with scarred lookin faces (GOT IT RITE EAT IT FLAMMERS !). "Wheatly that Pony we tried a save the truck was crashed an the pony ws stolen!222" I got so mad that those trollin STUPID drug jerks wood get away with it I had to do sumthin.

"Guys I rember I have a adderess that I think leeds to their home base. It's time to wank those buggerin sods." I said with lots of angry. Gabe an Caroline nodded "Were heer fo backup!"

"No guys its too dangeros I must go a lone but sins yur bloody smart I needs to do a find out about the Lettuce twins." They went okay with there heads nodding so I went.

Outside das school was a new kid meetin with the Teen Fortress 2. "Bloody hell! Whose the soddin new wanker?" I britished at him with curios. He mite be a spy for snape.

"I am the Scot" he happied with say of his name.

"Well my names… WHEATLY!~!" I almost forgoat an to say Harry Potter but Im not until we get back to British England. I leaved Scout an headed down main street to Mulhullan Drive were the address was ritten to go to. The loachasun taked me to a house farm buildin garded by a strong tat man. I thot I saw the Lettuce twins was alos there but when I blinked they wasant so it musta been my imagines.

Without my magic attacks the tattoo man was gonna be a hard fight so I desided to be stealth and went behind him an grabbbed a nife to go into him in the secondary kidney to make him fall over with blood. Then he died. I sissor kicked the door open an saw The Evil Within (GAME LOL). STalls wit chained up ponys was ever were getting molestraped by bronies but I didant see the one we resowed I named Flyhoof.

Befour I cood do any thing a arm came out an groped me into a corner. "Shhh my name is Skepness Man. I am on yur side for the fight."

"We gotta save them an wank these bollockin bronies an save Flyhoof" I desmanded but Skepness Man wasant listenin "I will help but there is more at work here yur in gabe danger Wheatly" He said with four shadowin.

"How do u no who am I?" Befour he cold anser a gurl stepped out draggin Flyhoof by the taley tale.

"TIHIS PONY IS A TRATOR AN TRY ESKAPE!" The gurl elled holdin up a magum pistol to Flyhoof's head. "THIS IS WAT WE DO THE TRATORS!11" Lights went on hi so all the ponies cold see what she was doin an I saw that the gurl was…. BERTHA!1!11121!~!

"NOOOOOOO!" I screemed but it was to late and the bullet exploded Flyhoofs head to pieces an the pieces died.

**TO BE CONTINUED**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS A SHOKIN CLIFF HANGY RITE? DON’T WORRY NEXT TIME THEYLL BE MORE DISCOVERS AN MAYBE SUM FUNNY STUFF SINS THIS PART IS DARK AND SCARRY.


	7. BATTLE WITH THE BRONIES PART 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TIME FO THE EXITIN CONCLUED OF THIS 2 PART CHAPPIE (GREAT MOVING BTW11!) BUT DONT WARRY ITS NOT NO WERE NEER TEH END OF THE FULL STORY!
> 
> AN: A IMPORANT NOTE I DIDENT FIGURE OUT WERE TO PUT INTO STORY. SKEPNESS MAN IS CALLED HIMSELF SKEPNESS MAN LETTUCE (THE LETTUCE TWINS DIDANT ATOPT HIM THO THERE NOT BATMAN) SO IN CASE HE MEETS HIMSELF FORM ANODDER TIM THEY WONT GET CONFUSE.

**HARRY POPTTER AN THE KILL OF NSAPE**

**CAHPTER 7: BATTLE WITH THE BRONIES PART 2**

YOU SON OF A HOLE I WILL KILL U!~! !" I screamted at Bertha for her crims agains nature an goodstuff bu she ran off in a huff an didant notice me. A bronies loaded a bows into there arrows an shooted at me with archery. Skepness Man had a jetpack an he took it an trusted it at a brownies face to shoot fires into his face and melted it. It was a good move.

The battal was on with fightin an the ponies was in couraged by are attacks so they revolted two with hoofin an hurtin on them. One brony trhoo a jar of terrible stuff (AN: NOT GUNNA SAY IT ITS TOOO MUCH JUST LOOK UP ON TOPPLES ROBERT) so I tried to magic a shield so it bust open onto the shield makin that realay gross so I stoped thes held. Next the bronies stoped fightin an started lollin so me an Skepness Man just uhhhh-faced in confuse.

It was a trick!12 The rumbled to explode an a tank drove in! It was the bronys seekrit weapon. The stank started firin an shootin army shells blowin up the walls but me an Skep didant have any gunz or magic strong enuff to get thru the strong hull. The freed ponies all got on there teeny legs an standed up to buck the tank up the sides real good. It was startin to break and splanter so Skepness Man had a grenade that he throwed into a weak hole made of the ponys attack.

KABOOM WAMMA JAM BLAM!1! The tank said as it blowed up destroyining the hole bildin an ever one in it (I used ano shield to safe me an Skepness Mon). Wen the explode cleared I saw Bertha getting away in her get away car so I grred in frustrate at the defeat. "We failed Skpeness Man" I cried.

Skepness Man just lolled an said "No Wheetly look I taked the evidence!" An he showed a camra with detail pics of Bertha runnin the brony site an even wen she killed Flyhoof! "With this we can put Bertha down for ever good." I happied that justice wood be done for Flyhoof an all those otters. He gave me the camra an said "I have to go now" an used his jetpack to fly away.

Usin magic strength I took down some trees an furrowed them. With bildin I created a big grave marker for Flyhoof an all the dead btrony ponies. I also did a momentary silence becos NOT ALL BRONIES ARE BAD LICK TGHEESE (Thanks for lettin me no SupraMarioGurl its good taht not all of them are rapin ponies). For the last tuch I taked Flyhoof's skull (there wasa big hole innit form Bertha's gun shoot) and put it atop of the grave with a flower crown. I looked up the sky an yelled to screaming "IT DIDANT HAVE TO BE THIS WAAAAAYYY!1!"

MEAN WHILE Gabe Jonson and Garoline were at the libery readin up on research of the Lettuce twins. "Read at this Gabe" Caroline said of a shockin discovery. "It said that Robert Lettuce is only a nickname that hes real name is Marrissa Roberts Lettuce."

"Marrissa Roberts?" Babe thot. "That sounds like a great name for a dotter!2!" He screamed getting ideas.

"Yah a good name a for GIRL dotter" summon lolled Gabe and Carotlinew wiped there heads around to see hoo it was… ROSILIAN LETTUCE an Robort Lettuce was there two but wasant lollin becos he didn't like the joke.

After Roislund was done lollin they got serios an said" Gabe Johnson an Caroline (AN: DOSE ANY ONE NO WHAT CAROLNES LAST NAME IS I NEVER THOT BOUT IT) u are messin with things beyond yur comprehend so u need to stop." They said at the same time together all creepy so G & C (Gabe an Caroline) wood get scarred an stop investigatin.

Gabe didn't like takin no for a answer so he went "And wat if he keep up the investigashun?" He smirked with cool an bad***.

"Then we will be foesed to use are powers." The Leuttecs teleportaled them into a dinosaur land an some Trexes almost eated them but then they teleportaled back to the libery. "Next timer we wont be so quick." Gabe and Caroline were both v. scared so much they peed a little.

"Okay well keep it on the down lo." Caroline said but Gabe to do a objection! But Luetteces already leaved in a flash.

The next day at shool I didant see Jenny any were but with SOLDIER an they kept holdin hands so I gross faced at them with sticking out my thung. At mathful class I tried to keep a down lo attitude so not to be suspishus to Snape. The class endled an I headed to lawnch ready for my plan to put my plan into akshun.

Bertha was being the alfa b**** of Potal High School some more at the poplar table so went up an said "Hey Bertha u cheeky nando wats da down lo with ur plonkin bugger?" I britished to her. Bertha went upright with scowlin sneer.

"Hoo are u to British at me at the poplar table lowa class!" She excreted with frustration.

"I dunno" I trolled manically "Howabout showin ever one THIS!" An I did a spell to make the wall a projector showin the intimate horse pictures of Bertha's depravatee (ever one thot it was just a computer projector an not magic). The hole room o-mouthed in shock an horrer at the tru evils of Bertha an some even throwed up with pukes.

"Noooo! Hes lying it a fake!" But Photo Shop wasant invented yet so no one believed her. The other poplar kidz all got anry an said "Bertha u did a too far YUR NOT POPLAR EVER AGAIN!11! BEGGONE FORM OUR SITE!" Bertha ran off cryin an ran to a big tank of acid an climed it an jumped in a died. Everyone o-mouthed at her sewiside an Prinsipal GLaDOS was in screemin "WAT IS THE MEANIN OF THIS?!/1!?"

Portal High School was canceled for the rest of the day becos Bertha sewisided. Now that the bronies was dealed with an Snape had loosed his 'Big Bertha' it was time to back on the tru misshun. It was time FOR THE KILL OF SNAPE!

**TO BE CONTINUED! 1**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WILL WHEATLY KILL OF SNAPE?! WHATS JENNY DOIN? WILL THE LETTUCES PLAN BE REVEAL? A HUGE PLOT TWISTE IS COMIN NEXT TIME SO HOLD ONTO YUR PUPCERN GUYZS!


	8. SNAPES REVEGENCE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: GUYS THIS CHAPPA IS SOOO EXITING IT HAS A GOOD TWIST I CUDANT WATE TO USE BUT ITS NOT ALL SHOCKIN THE LUETTECE TWINS ARES ALSO HEERE AN HAVE A FUNNY FUN SUB PLOTE FOR THOSE WHO REMBER THE FITE WITH WULF FROM TEEN 4TRESS 2!

**HARRY PORTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE**

**CHATER ATE: SPANES REVENGANCE**

It was a copple days sins the bronies was defeeted an me an Jenny breaked up. I coldant get tio close to Snape or ells he might get more suspishus of my plotting to plan to kill. him. Also turns out that some of the ponies was escaped befour by sum good bronies just like in Madful Max (AN: SUCK A GOD MOVIE!121) Juts then I herd sum runnin an saw Scout runnin from… A TON A NEKKID GURLS!1

"OH DEAR GOD SAVE THE QUEEN SCOUT THOSE BLOODY SODS ARE GUNNA WANKIN KILL YOU!" The gurls almost did a tackle on him but Scout sooo bloudy fast they missed. I didant care about alls those naked gurls tho, my heart was already choosen for someon but I didant no who yet but a shock… It wasnt Jenny!111.

More bad came on wen the footballas saw the naked gurls jigglin in the breeze an strated to rape them up!1 It was terribel. Those jerks had gotted a way with to much an Heavy was there shootin em big bullets to stops them. I wanted to help kills these b**(*** jerk f**** m******** b******s (TEHEY DONT DESERF ANY LESS HARSHER WERDS) so I went aganst my judement to not use my powers to much an shooted a magic into them makin there guts to liquifact an leek out of the eers und nose.

I felt sooo prowd stopping the rap with TF2 but didn't notise that… SNAPE WAS WATCHIN !21!1!

MEAN WHILE the Lettuce twins were up mischeef sum were else. It was a big tent dome with tons a creamin fans an wresslers with powa. A bigly banner readed "ULTIMATE FIGHTING CHAMPOWNSHIP" on it.

A announcer guy named was Gus Gribbles prouded onto mikeyphone "WELCAME LADDES AND GENITIALMEN FOR TH ULTIMATE FIGTHING CHAMPOINSHIP!11211!" Ever one was happy a proud. "ARE FIRST CONTEST IS MAX "THE CANNI-BULL" RICHARDS!1" All the cheers happened as a mussel guy wif a bull for a head got in da ring.

"WHO WILL CHALLENGE MY POWA!?/!" Mark "The Canna-Bull" Richards yelled with wild aminal fury. Ropert and Roisland got up to the on the stage. "WE challenge u!" It said. Max "The Canni-Bull" Richars did a bull nose of content.

"U PUNNY GINGERS ARE NO MATCH OF ME I WILL KILL U AN DEFECES UR CORPSES!1!" Robert got kinda scared but Roslilian said "Be strength brother we must do to win there trust."

"What is the menning of this?" Said Gus Gribbles unknowin of the Lettuce twins.

"We are a tag teem to challenge for the Ultimate" Robot prided an he an Rosolond ripped there close off to reveel they had masked wressler suits on!

Max "the Canni-bull" Richards lolled at the punny Lettuces they wood be a easy kill. "FIGHT ATTACK!1!" He said a got a chair an speered it into Robert's eyesballs to explode them an pin him down.

But Roesland got of behind him a had a bottle shankin shards to stabe in Max "the Canni-bull" Richards back!1 "YEEOOO" Then Rothbert got up his eyes alls heal! "UNPOSSIBLE THAT IT COOD BE!?"

"I got a power" Robot explained "a power of SIENCE!2 12!" An he punch strate into Max "The Canni-Bull" Richards man balls so hard then unverted into his pancreas causin a rupture.

"AAAAAHHHHHAAHAHAHAHHA! ! !11" He screamed with a screamin scream! Max "The Canni-Bull" Richards trtied to foes his boys thingies back outerwards with contorts of gruntin but the Lettuce lolled an did a fist bump becos it was there plan. He kept tyryin but finallyh the pressure was too much an his propaplsed squirtin guts all out his buttum until his hole internal guts were outsid an he defleeted lick a baloon.

"ARE U NOT AMMUSED!/!/!?" Rosilind prided with her arms out wide to the crowd. But Gus Gribbles not sure if they got the chops.

"That was pretty good but can u fitedefeet… hem!?" Anotter wresslers jumped into the ring it was… SHREK!1133

"IM GONNA PUT U IN MAH SWAMP" He said lactating his fatt belly.

Robert sdid a witty comeback an jumped up of Rosarinds sholders for a move they called "the Lettuce Totem Poll." They sticked out arms (an Robert qalso his legs) and spindled around faster an faster lick a hurrocone so they hit Shrek tons a times with one normal punch speed. Shreks teeth flood out of his mouth an stabbed some other wresslers in the dugout waitin for there turn in the fite.

Next Rosalinrosalind did a summer salt up of the air so Ropert leeped of her sholders an dive bombed into Shrek wile Russolini interned his fatting belly so hard the snpie snaped. "Oh s***" Shrek o-mouthed an fell.

The twines climed atop Shreks ungainly mass. Rsoalind took Robot's hand an helded them up in victory pose an the crowd keept yelling "LETTUCE TWINS! LETTUCE TWINS! LETTUCE TWINS!"

"Alls rite, alls rite," Gus Gribblsed to the raunchy crowd to silense them. "U2 (a BAND lol) hav e won the Ulatimate Fighting Champowinship. What are yur demans?"

"Are demans are simple an essy" pronounced Rubert. "We need 2 of yur strongest fiters to for a comin battle gainst a "big bad wulf"" finised Rosolond with misitcyism. Gus crossifixed his man arms an notted at sum wresslers in the dugout.

"These are my strengthest they will be good" He pointed two the wresslers it was… HULK HOGAN AN STRONG BAD!11 (SEE NO U NO HOW IT TYES INTO TEEN FORTRDESS 2S ENDIN).

Back into the Portal High School, I was happy becos school was canceled for the rest of the day from the footballs doin raps on those naked gurls. Also becos the futeballs were ded.

"Excuse me Mr. Wheetly" siad summon puttin there hand on me sholder. It was… SNAPE!1!

Befour I cood o-mouth or escape or magic or any thing he pulled me into the maths (In british they make math plooral for some resin) room!11 "I new there was sumthin fishy bout u!"

"U killed my 'big bertha' with driven to sewiside AN YOU HAVE MAGIC YUR A WIZERD FORM HOGWARTS TO KILL ME AINT YOU?!/1/!" Snape screemed so lowd spit an stuff went all over from out of his mouth.

"OMG u no Im Harry Potter?!" I aksed but Snape just o-mouthed with a dum face. "YUR HARRY POTER?!" Befour I cood dum face at my stupid move Snape grapped me by the neck an helded me up with chocking.

"This is prefect! Now I cans have revengance on Berthas killa AND Harry Pottter!1!" SNape lolled evily.

I just smiled with smartness. "LOL Snape u never learn u bloody wank of bugger. If u kill me a stude here it will allert the cops." But Snape had anotter trick inside his sleeves.

He pulled out his wand out off his pants "I can do different than kill u" an shooted his wand rite in me face an… I GOAT ANMEESHA!1! Snaped droped me on my bum an ran away.

"OMG where soddin bloody um I? Wait one gittin second… who am I?!1" I o-mouthed unto remember how I was.

Principal GLaDOS herd the scream of o-mouthin an came inside. "Yur name is Wheatly an yur a MORON!11 Now go home Portal High School is canceled for the rest off the day u dumb*******" Sweared her with lots of angry so I got up an I leaved.

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH NO GUYS WHEATLY IS FULL WHEATLY NOW (SPECT FOR THE ROBO BALL PART BUT U NO WHEN THAT'S COMMON) WHATS HAPPENS NECKS? FIND OUT NEXTTIME!1!


	9. INTO THE TWIST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: THIS CHAPTRE IS A THE HOOGEST TWITST THAT I PLANNED ALL THE TIME SO GET REDDY.

**HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE**

**CHAPTER NINE: INTO THE TWIST**

Hi my name is Jenny Weesly an I was on a mission to kill SNAPE the baddest baddy. It had beens 3 weeklies sins the break up betwen me an Harry now Wheatly. I cant belief he didn't see how import are mission was to be under cover. Plus Solder was relay nice an treated me like a proper gal wile Harry was to much being big in his britches as the Boys Whos A Life.

Speakin a Wheatly hed been wanking strange late lee not talkin too me an bein real good on his under cover. I to the was tryin to wine me back but I wasant ever goin back to that soddy bugger. Sides now I had to focus on Snape ut today I was gonna to a magic spell to check up on Ron an Germany.

"Soldier I have to do a period Ill be rite back hunney" I winky faced at Solder an to the bathroom with a excuse. Inside I made shore no one was there ekspet for me then did a magic spell on the mirror to make a portal (but a magic portal not a siense portal).

Ron an Hermion came. "Jenny its so god to see u an were the bugger is Harry blokin Potter?" Ron said.

"Harry got plasticine surgery an changed his name an looks to Wheatly plus I dont no hes been acting relay weerd. Hows it back in British England?"

"Oh God Savce the Queen u an HarryWheatly need a come back pronto!" Umped Hermlyone. "Things is soddin a git of wank sins u leaved."

"Yes" Ron agred "Iggy an Huey rule the school now an Gobo Fraggle wont to any thing bout it he just drugs with his beer!111!" I got made at the druggy commens but Gobo Fraggle was das Headmanager an he gave me a big knife so I had to trust him.

"Dont pull a bugger guys Ill be back soon as Snap is killed." I leaved out the door closing the magic behines me.

Soldeir was rite out side lookin nervos. "Jenny… theres a seinor gradulation party comin up an I was wonderin… wood u lick to with me?" He bloodshed lookin reel cute an nervos so I lolled an said "Of corse Soldare yur such a sweaty pie."

Spane was in teachin math some more an I desided that after the porty I wood finally make him dead.

AN: THIS NEXT PPART IS FORM TEEN FORTRESS 2IN CASE U FORGOAT WHAT HAPPENED OR DIDANT RED IT SO JUST SKIP A HED TO THE GRADUATE PARTY IF U DID RED IT

MEENWHILE Cave Jonson hoo is Gabes more evil twin was walkin down the hall an see Wheatly. "Blimey you soddin look just lick Gabe buggerin Jonson but more mad an meen." He said an wave. Cave Jonson snipped fingers an a robot came out and took Wheatly. "Oh god save the queen what the bloody wank are you doin to me?" Cave smelled evily an said "I need you for a siense project." An he lolled very evil.

NOW IN WHEATLYS POV OF VIEW

I woked up in a place where he soddin bloody hell was I? There was to robots one a blue ball an the other a orange line thing an Cave Jonson lookin reel mean. "Whats goin on you wankin Sod!" I britished at me with most lowd. Gave was loling all evil an said "These are Altas an P-Boy there from the future!" I o-mouthed it was bloody mad.

"They telled me bout the future wif robots an portal guns an things so Im goin a make some robos an you Wheatly will be my test subjekt!" He took out a wankin huge nettle an shoot me an I blacked oot. When I was sleep Cave gotted to work. First he removed my skelton eksept for my head so I was ball shaped, then turned my skin to mettle (lick how the wizards can turn led to gold in movies) an taked an eye out so I only had one bloody big one but he kept my man balls. I waked up an screemed becos I was transfarmed.

"Goodbye Wheetly the dude an Hello Wheatly the Robo Ball!" Cave lolled with mad an mean. Then he ponted to a time mashine. "Now yur goin to the future b****!" Atlas lolled an he an P-Boy started smokin drugs with Cabe Joneson. I got put in the time mashine an there was a big lite flash an I was gon to the future.

THAT NITE AT T HE GRADUTE PARTY

Every one was there bein cool with happy stiles an wearin there best pants. Bissness Lady an Printial GLaDOS were on a hot date so we had the hole party all to areselves. Sniper even brotted a striper he found named Loise Boombooms.

"I no that its opposed to be a all ages party" said Soldiar "bu sins the princes not here… any thin cold happn" I o-mouthed that tonite might be a night.

"SHAKE YA GROOV THANG SHAK YA GRORV THANG!1!" Da DJs singed with funky beats. Loise Boombooms was GETTING DOWN shakin her boombooms an makin all us girls jelos an all the boys need new pantaloons. I gross faced an went offer to get some puchn for a drink wile Soldier busted up the dance floor with his spesal dance move "the rocket pump"

Sudently…. a grabbed me an pullted me into the boshes an takeled me! It was… LOISE BOOMBOOMS AN SHE WAS SMOTHERIN ME WITH HER BOOMBOOMS!11

"I cant find Wheatly but I no yur his ex gf so Ill finaly get my revenegance for the kill of my sister… Bertha Boombooms! ! `11" I tried to breath but her boops were sooo big I coodant an was turnin into bloo.

Loise Boombooms smiled with evil like the Joker or a slasser movie gurl so I triet to reech for a magic spell attack but i was hard from lack of breathin. She just keeped smiling more an more evil wile pressin h er boomboms harder into me face.

I had to do sumthin quick or I wood die fast befour getting to stop Snape. Juts then "I AM CAVE JONSON WHO IS GABE JONSONS MORE EVIL WITH!1" A guy yelled I thot oh no it musta been Gabes evil twine he warned me of about. Loise got distarcted an mobed just enuff that I cood do a power spell an flipped her of me into tdare an she flew away in darkness. I climed out from of the boshes an saw… PRINCIPAL GLaDOS WAS BACK AN KILLED BY DOG THE BOUNTY HUNNER!21 Also Ratman's balls was exploded from a kick by Cave Jonson an Bissness Lady was cryin at her wifes kill an Carolin was alos sad an Gabe Jonson was just being so much angry at his dum brother ruinin the party.

"Jenny there u are" said Soldier with a helmut on like normal. "I was wonderin sins the party was ruined do u want to come over to my plays?" he asked with nervos.

I grinned with sixy at him "Shore thing!" An he o-mouthed an we ranned of.

After a night of mighty passion Soldier an I was nekkid into his bed. "I love u Jenny" He smited. I got gilty then becos I was under cober without letting him no my true ident.

"Solder… theres sumthin I need to tell u."

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I BET YUR SO EXITED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER BECOS IT'S THE ONE WERE SNAPE IS FNALLY KILL BUT ITS NO WERE NEER THE END (SPOLER LERT)!1 HOW WILL IT GO DOWN. WHATS HAPPEN AT HOGGURTS? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!


	10. THE KILL OF SNAPE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AIGHT Gs AN Bs AN OTHER ONES HEERS THE CLIMATE SHOWDO2WN TWEEN JENNY AN SNAPE BUT DONT WARRY ITS NOT OFFER YET~!~~!
> 
> PS I KEEPT FORGOTTIN TO MENSHUN. I SAW PADDINGTON AN IT WAS REAL GOOD AN SWEARY GUY WAS IN IT SO FORM NOW ON SWEARY GUY IS FRIEND TO ALL BEARS!

**HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE**

**CHAPTER TENS: THE KILL OF SNAPE!**

Solder o-mouthed as I telled to of him the hole down lo (AN: I didant put the converse in da story becos u already no that stuff an it wood be borin). "But wat after you do the kill we still have ech othaar right?" He aked.

"Im sorry Solder" I cryed angsty "I will kill (LOL RIME) SNape an thens I must return to British England." I gotted up out of the bed. I was still nakes but I didant care.

"Will I ever see u again?" Soldier held owt his ham with romance.

"No." An I ranned out the his house. Soldiers parents saw me an being naked so the mom o-mouthed an the dead hi fived Soldier but I wast already out da doore.

Later at Portal Hi School I was wearin a leather cat soot hangin from the seelin. Snape walkered into class to paper grade but it wasant time for class to begin so he didant spect me.

"Hey Snapey Snape are u ready for freddy?"I joked with a evil lol droping down onto the Snapes deks.

"OMG JENNNY WEESLY I NO HOOT U ARE NOW!" He realized too late. I wiped my nife out ready to do a stab but Snape tackle jumped me all crazy. "Yull naver take me alive!"

"No I wont becos Im gonna kill u lol!" I lolled back an drubbed the nife down into his hart but Snape rollered away to my nife went itno the desk. Snape ran away thru the door but I gabe chase but als got my nife back.

Snap ranned thru hallways nockin over preps an jocks an nerds an goth emos all over the place. Scout an Pyro was makin owt inna bromine closest but he went in there to hide so Pyro set Snape of fires an he ran out screamin on fire. I saw the ebil wizard d***** runnin an screamin on fire so he was essy to track an I ran at him. Then Snape into the cafertaria.

I spin kicked down the café doors to pownce on him an we slid down a table nockin all the food off an Heavys lunches (he eets 2 lunches becos hes sooo fat lol). "Hey Im eetin that!" He russaned an got Sasha to shoot up Snape but Snape was all burned with scars like Too Face in Batman so he screemed "ILL WASTE U B***** OF F******* C*** G******** B******! I o-mouthed at such swearin. Snpae trowed me off him an chokeslammed me to the grownd.

"He cam heer expectin to fite a man" Snape eviled "BUT NOW U FITE A GOD!1" an he floated up of in the air an transmorphed into… A ULTAMATE FORM!22 Now he had spiky flaming blond hare an for arms it was a likke super sayin but fooshin like Steven Galaxy with gems. I o-mouthed it wasa most strongthest wizard move even Voldermorter cudant do that.

Laser eyes came out of his eyes with shootin to melt pepole an it hits some jocks an killed them. Snape keeped firin his lazors but I dogged them super speed abilities from wizard powa. Then Snape oozled his new urms to carroty chop me rist an I dripped the nife spinnin into a guys foot.

"YOWIE OWIE!11" He pained at the nife in his foote an pulled it out wile jumpin with hurt. The guy throo the nife an Snape went to grab it but it stabbed throo his hand so hard it ripped off. Blood splooted out his hand stump an landed in some Lettuce salad a kid was eatin but the salad got angry becos it was actual the Lettuces in disguys!

Snape still had three hounds on his arms so he got down on all fores (and also some others becos of his extra one) an charged like a rodo bull. I grabbed Snape to stop the fatl blow an we skidded cross the cafer rippin up tiles an goin thrust tables an crashed thru a wall.

Roisiliand and Rothbert uhnid form the Lettuce with mad and angru on there jowls. "He is not6 doin his job!" Roseolond angried with anger. "We must discipline him." He went in agreement. They teleportaled to Skepness Man how was hangin out in a place.

"SKEPNESS MAN U INCOMPETANT OFFAL!11!" Rosaland screemed so loud an angry that smoke came out her eyes. "JENNY WAS SUPPOSED TO ALSREADY KILLED SNAPE AN BE BACK IN BRITISH ENGALND NOW IT MITE BE 2 LATE"

"I AM DISSAPOINT" Robert Lettuce also yelled an it really hurt Skepness Mans feels becos Robot was like a dad to him.

"SORRY I WAS TRYIN TO HUNT DOWN THE REST O THOSS BRONIES TO KILL THEM!" Skepness Man said reasonabl back.

"Well u have to fix ur mistakes hurry an get Jenny to Hogwarts!" The Lettuces went all mysterios an vanished to invisible.

Back at the fite Snape picked me up wresler stile over the head an tried to jam me onto the game but shot magic in his eyes to blind him an Snape fell overed. I double jumped for a stamp attack an butt bounced the ground up so it shattered an we landed in the boils room.

Snape got up an cracked his neck an spit some blud at my face. "You b***** now Ill kill u!"

"No," I said takin the nife, "now I kill YOU!21" I stabled it strate thru his black hart to pin him to the boiler. “Glad we cud have this ‘hart 2 hart’ I said as a cool one liner an the boiler exploded with chunks of Snape goin ever were and blood shooted up like a Vulcan into the upper levels an floofed cafet.

The dust went to low an I walked thru into the open with pies of Snape still on me. I was soooo pride that I had done it finally an cud go back home. I went back into Portal High School and back to the bath room to make ano portal to check up.

"Hi Ron" I said at the mirror an Ron was. "Jenny things got really bad heer Im goin to Portal High School to find Harry" He said back.

"Wats wrong."

"Oh no" Ron o-mouthed befoure he cood answer. The door to were he was was breakin down "I gotta hurry PS Im changing my name to undercover GALE THUNDERPANTS" An the mirror went to reflection.

I had to find oot wat was goin down. I had to retarn.

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS NOT OVER YET DUDS AND DUDETS THERES MORE TO COOM!


	11. DEADLY ESCAPE FOR RON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTS FORM RONNIE RONS POV OF VIEW.

**HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE**

**CHAPTER SELEVEN: DEADLY ESKAPE FOR RUN**

"Oh no" I said bloody crumpits Igguy and Huey was were breaked down the door! "Hey Ronnie Ron Im gunna juice yur balls!" Iggy said makin a squishy fist. I didant want to loose my balls like Ratman (Jenny telled me of what happen of him with Cave Jonson) so I ducked over there swingin blows an rolled on floor like a hege hog at SONIC speed (hehe).

I stampled out into the hall were ever thing had been rooned sins Harry an Jenny leaved. The walls were defeced with rap posters an graffity wile the PA Inter com blurred a song Iggy an Huey wrote themselfs.

_**"IGGY AN HUEY RULE THE SCHOOL!** _

_**IGGY AN HUEY RULE THE SCHOOL!** _

_**BAD GUYS WIN AN GOOD GUYS DRULE!** _

_**CUS IGGY AN HUEY RULE THE SCHOOL!"** _

It played always the time an I was sooo sick of it. Heuy came out the bathroom angry an said "Now yur gonner get it Ron Easy Peasy to kill!" He had a blow gun to blow at me with darts so I ran fast away to the hallway down. Huey gave chase with Iggy also runnin so I had to go extra fast by magic running spell to make me go like a pereguin falcon.

Huey tried to blow me again so I changed corners into the Magicale Creatures class were they were dissictin a elefant (It was a magic elefant lick the ones from LOTR of the Rings).

"Hey yur not enrolled for this!" They all said mad. Iggy and Huey got in to so I needed to do a fast thing. The fast thing was to clime up on the elefant.

"Yur to late Dummy an Huey yur presos Snape was already wanked by Harry an Jenny!"

The poosed for a momentary in shock. Then Iggy said "NO yur lier!" An shot more blows into all the dissected students. While he was distract with that I jumped up real hi an landed SQWISH hard onto the elefant. Its guts exploded out like sploosh! An blood an tummy squirted like a title wave at Iggy an Huey to disenfranchise them. The blood swept them away an ran from the other door to get owt.

As I was runnin for freddom I saw in ever class alls the kids were trankalized from blow guns what was going down here? Harry wood no what to do I had to find him fast. Iggy an Huey showed up again with covered in blood (even MORE blood than when Harry gave him a period) and they ware angry to the xtreme.

"U CANT EKSAPE RON WE RULE THE SCHOOL!"

I fliped a birdy at him an it hit IGGY in the phase (ANGRY BIRS LOL) an he went down. Heuy freaked out an tried resusitate him it was my chance for escape. Running into fastness I got out the dore an saw it was my trooest of loving: Herminine!

"Ron we half to get outta here I sins a dark evil at work" She divinationed. Last then Iggy and Huey had recovered an blowed a dart of Hermicine an she fell!

"Hymen!121" I screamed into her hand I was holdin tite.

"Go on with out me Ron its too late" An she went uncosios. With a tears in my face I got up an leaved shouting "IGGY AN HUEY U BUGGERS ILL GIT U IN THE SOD WITH BLOODY WANKIN HELL!"

"No Ron u got a misshun to do!" A voys went in my head. "OMG hu are u?"

"I am Hermany's inner love for u with I can be telepathing! U have to go on Ill always love u but this is MORE import!1"

"Okay my love. FOR U!" I ran away from Iggy an Huey with them on fast chase.

I went in the closet an brabed a broom stick and flew off on it. Iggy an Huey got bromine sticks too an flewed after me flingin magic spells that I had to doge with a barrel roll.

A window was comin up quick so I ducked my head an mashed strate thru it with a explode. The glass shurds went ever place into Iggy and Huegy to blood them but they wodant be stopped. "Dont let him get away!111!" Heuy creamed at the top of his voice.

Now inside of the outside we went offer a lake were the giant quid lives. I was dodging attacks an projects wile Iggy and Hey spun with dive bombs. But below us… the fin came out of the water an scary music played! This was my chanse so I got lower to the water so Iggy an Huey got lower to the water. When they got lower to the water I pulled up fast and furios as the attack went down.

The vagiant quid leaped out of the water like Shamoo at Seaworld if Shamoo was getting ready for a KILL an chomped down Iggy and Huey into its missive tooth-fill jaws. Its mighty tale wipped me an I fell of my broom into the water. This was bad I wood almost be next!22

Wit an other chomp it finished eatin Iggy and Huey and they died. Now this quid turned its attenshun to me an swam faster than a otter (GO OTTERS!11 LOLVIEDOGAMEREFERNS) Pump! Pump! Pump! I went into the water with backstrokes but it wasant enuff. The jaws closed in an I was wallowed by the squid.

Now I wood never safe Harry from his desires an Iggy an Huey wood in death be sucksessful. Teers came into my eyes an I cried like a goth emo an even thot bout cutting my rists but cudant becos the quids belly was too tiny. Then sumthin uncredible happened.

My pure teers dribbled down onto the squids tummy an it sensed my distress and situate. Every thing started to rumble an roll jiggelating. I o-mouthed in confasion at what was happenin when… THE SQUID SKRIWTED ME OUT ITS BLOHOLE!

"Bloody gits of wankin sod ur a live saver oh dead god save the queen!" I cryed at my saver squid. While still flippin thru the are I saw my broom near so I leaned hard towards it an just barely grabbled on. "Lets fly!" I said an went fast to Portal High School no linger Ron Weesly, but GALE THUNDERPANTS.

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IGGY AN HEUY ARE DEAD BUT WATS THE DARK EVIL OF ADRKNESS GOIN DOWN AT HOGWARTS! WILL SKEPNESS MAN AN JENNY GET THERE IN TIM? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!!!


	12. NO MONEY MORE PROBLEMS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAYP IS INSPIED BY UNDERCOFFER BOWSS A SHOW I SWA YESTERNIGHT
> 
> PS I DOONT NO IF HOOTERS IS IN ENGLONDON OR NOT BU IF IT ISANT JUST PRETEND THEY JUST OPENED A NEW ONE THERE

**HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE!**   
**CHATER Twelve: NO MONEY MORE PROBLEMS (LOL ITS PUN)**

With Snape pooshin dassys in the explosion ruones I had to get vack to British Engaldn. Summon came to upon me with a handgrab. "Hey I will help u get to were u need to go. " A guy said with hair and glasses on his face. He had a jetpack on and was also cool.

"OMG are you all so a wizard?' I asked wonderin how they cold no how I am. I taked my wand into my hand were he cudant see it just incase he was workin for Snape.

"My name is Skepness Mam and Im heere to help." He did a moshun to his jetfully pack "Clime on for a ride!" It was kind of scarrry with rockets and flames but I didant have any more plane tickets from Gobo Fraggle so I had no other choose.

"Kay mister lets rock an roll" I got onto on his jetpuck. FLOOSH FLAM KABOOMER BAM!11 The jetpack said as we lifted up up and away (theehee)! Clowds went around us an the sun went all round Skepness Man makin me hot an bothered in my internal recesses.

Wile lookin down I saw a mighty giant squid roarmin thru the waves but jus behin its dorsail fin I saw…. RON!1 "U gotta Hurry Jenny its reel bad an almost owt of time!11" He tugged on the dorsel fin with a yelling of "HI HO SILVER!122" so the squid did a jump into the sky an went forward an landed into a splash that made titel waves that hitted into me an Skepness Man pushin us more forward!

I waved buy at Ron my brafe bro noin Id never see him again. With minuets to spare we arrved at British England were it all started but….. SKEPNESS MANS JET PLACK RAN OUT OF FOOL!11!

"OMFG WERE GOIN DOWN!11!" Skepetnes Man cried an we droped thru the are strate towards Big Ben! "Swing more outward!" I rotated my liste so we spun just missin the eitfel tower but one of the clock hads got cot on the jet pack so the clack face ripped off an flew into the big circus wheel wich undulated off its holders goin thru the city thru bildins an runnin over peple. We didant have time to stop it beacuause we were still fallin fast.

"Dont worray I can magic us a shield" And I magiced us a shield but we skiddeded trhu the rode makin chunks of assfalt go up an break windows. Finlaly we studded to s stowp rite at the Hogwarts train. Skepness Man got me up an brushed of my hand like a gentalmans in a James Bonxd guy kind of way.

"Well lets get toe Hogwarts fast on the train" Skepness Man said but stopped with a dum face. "Uhh do u have any money fore it?" I o-mouthed in shocked. "No I don't"

"OMG how will we get to Hugwartles?" I sit down with cryin now what ever was goin down wood be unstopped I wood fail my mission.

Skepness Man looked round at places tryin to get a idea for what to do next. He lightbulbed an pointed to a place. "LLook Jenny we can gets jops an pay are way to the train!" An he pointed at a place that was….HOOTERS!121 This was a preferring solution! "Common Jenny lets go an make mo money!12"

We skipped with happy joy to Hooters an got hired rite away becos it was a new opening so they neeted lotsa new employs. My juggalopes were really tite in the Hooters shirt but that was all good are manager Toams Anders said. Skepness Man had more probs but they desided to get tite pants to show of his man balls for ladies to increese custom divercity.

Latrine that day I was waitin tables an Skepness Man was showin off to sum kiddies his jetpack. I was bringin sum hot wings to pepole but onna the hot wings bounched and landed in my cleavers! I was sooooo embarsed I wasant used to wearing such skimpay cloths. The peeps were laffing an hoot h ollerin so I droped the tray an was tryin to pull it out but my shirt was to tite so the hot wing was extra stuck an wodant buldge.

Toams Anders came from the manger orifice to say "Good jub my too new employs. At this rate yull have enuff money to go to Hogwarts in…. five months!1!1" We both o-mouthed sadly that was too long! The bad was happenin NOW so we needed more fast. "Okay get back at work." Taoms retracted into his office.

Skepness Man came at me with a determine face. "Jenny we need that money now not in no months! We gotta do sumthin…..drastic."

"U mean?" I o-mouthed  
"Yes must rob the Hoot." I quackly ran to the front dore an changed the sine from open to close so everybody stopped eatin an got up a leaved. The Lettuce twins wasn't outside they wanted to appearate as customers there becos that's the kinda stuff the do but cudant now becos it was closed so they were sad.

With ever one gone for the day me an Skepness went into the storage closet with a plan. Insid was Hooters, the animaltronic mascot it used to have. She was a gurl owl with big hooters but fans off Friday Nights at Freddys wood keep doin sex with it an it was all gross an yucky now. I cast a life spell on it an Hooters came to alive.

"I'm a real boy!" She said.

"I created u like the guy with Chappy so u have to do what I weantt" I said. "U most help us Robert this place." Hooters nodded with purpose an we charged for the manger. The door was locked with twelf (LOL GET IT COS TTHIS IS CHAPTER 12) pad locks.

"Hooters break it down" but Hooters misunderstanded an started to dance crazy "SHAKE IT BAKE IT BOOTY QUAKE IT ROLL IT A ROUND!111!" Skepness and me did palms into are faces at the dum mistake. "No Hooters I mean to break down the dore!"

So Hooters spin kicked down the dore with a CRASH an Toams Anders pooted himself in scared. "WHAT THE F**** H**** G***** S****** B**** OF OMFG!?/1!1" He swore he was so afrade.

"Give us money for Hogwarts!~" Demonstrated Skepness Man with so much angry I was very impressed at his bad***. But Toams Anders just did a evil smile and depressed a butten on his desk that made machine cannons come owt! 11!

"Leave now or ill shoot you up!" Toams yelled so much it hurt my heers. But then I got a idea. The hot wing was still trapped in my boops but I had sweated a lot an it was looser.

"Wait a sec first well leave but first Skepness Man can it be a deer an take this hot wing from my cleavers?" He was confusion but went a long an tried pull it out but the momentum of if being so much trapped but with sweety for loobricate the hot wing shooted out of my chests an flew out an went strate thru Toams Anders four head!

The hot wing came out his behind side an went into the wall an out of the wall too. Toams fell oevered with a crunch wile Hooters tore the save opened. I took all the money an put it in my chests an Skepness Man was just o-mouthin sayin "Jenny that is the most sexy I ever seed" an I had to add mitt he was also in sexy with his hooters youniform.

I got closer to him an he got closer to me an we were speakin with are eyes only an it was verry hot an then…. WE KISSED AN STARTED TO DO DOING IT!11111!

**TO BE CONTINUED!**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOAH MAN THAT WAS A GOOD CHAPTER BUT NEXT ONE IS THRITEEN THE SCARIEST NUMBER (BE SIDES 666 BUT THERES NOT THAT MANY CHAPS) SO GET REDDY FOR A REAL SCARRY CHAPTA!


	13. THE EVIL REVEELED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BE WARNED DUDES OF ALL AGES AN KINDS THIS CHAPTER IS 13 SO U NO IT'S THE SCARIEST ONE EVER. DISRECTION YUR VIEWS BECOS ITS SOOOO SCARY WITH A GOOD TWIST I CUDAN WATE TO USE!1!
> 
> OPS THANKS SUPRMARIONGUIRL FOR LETTIN ME NO BOUT THE TAYLOR SWIFTS ALLIENCE WITH THIRTREEN AN EVIL SO IT HEPLED INSPIE A UPDATE TO THE CHAPTER.

**HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE!**

**CHAPTER THRITEEN: THE EVIL REVEELED!**

Me and Skepness Man finished doin sex but then Skepness Man o-mouthed an said "OMG JENNY IM SO SURRY I DONUT WANT CAME OVER ME!1!"

"What do u mean Skeppy lumps?" I q'ed with confusion.

"Becos I'm a travel of time I no who my tru love even tho we didant met yet. After the misshun is done I will go to meet her." Skepness Man explained. I was a little sad n angry but also understated becos it was like me an solder with my misshun.

"Well I gess we shud go Hogwarts now" I said to me an we got dressed. Hooters was bissy deposin of Toams Anders bodily corpse into a trash. We desided that Hooters wood run the restrant now an make sure the employs wood always get paid enuff to get to were they were goin to need to go.

Mornin breaked up over the city with sunlite were pepole were rebildin from were the Big Ben an circus wheel destroyed a bunch of bildins an skwashed a bunch a pepole. Luckly the Hogorts ttran was still runnin and got there rite on time.

"Hey Jenny Weesly yur not supposed to be back Snape was to kill u?" The ttrane conductioner said comin out.

"Huh" I WTFed at the condorkter.

"Well Gobo Fraggle telled me Snape killed u an Harry forever but died to."

"OMG why wood Gobo Fraggle say a bad lie lick that?" Skepness Man was ask.

"I dunno lol" The condomductor lolled. "Now get on in an well get to Hogwarts FAST" An we did an it was fast.

"By by" He waved as we unentered the train an were at Hogwartz. Ever thing was relay quite an spooky a little bit. I didant heer any studiers practisin magic or snoggin so I was much confused. Tayler Swifft music was playin ever were.

At the big door into Hogwarts Skepness Man did a gasp an I looked an we saw…. ROSALION AN ROTHERBERT LETTUCE with so much angry in there faces it was almost scarry.

"SKEPNESS MAM U ARE 2 LATE GETTIN JENNY HEER!" They shreeked like sceams of screamer but Skepness Man didant believe. "No it must not be to late we can hurry" an he ran in with me an the Lettuce twins following with follows. Into the inside I was a terror site that I saw.

All the HOgwarts teechers were dead an put on spikes (Hagrid was so fat he needed like 5 spikes to hold up all that fat) but… Gobo Fraggle wasant there!11

"Ah Ah Ah!" Gobo Fraggle slow clapped into the grate hall with a smugly smile. "Jenny Weesly I was hopin u and Harry wood show up but I gess Harry was feelin a little… rownd!1" Hahahahahahaha!~!11! LOLLED Batman reveelin that he had been the one to hire Cave Jonson to turn Harry into full Wheatly the bobo ball ! 11

I new Inever shud have a trusted a DRUGGY JERK but he was the headager. Skepness Man was angry with hatred towards that offal man an so was I.

"Yur just in time to see the unveil of my ULTIMATE CREATESHUN!111" Gobo Fraggle yelled into the ceeling. the Tayler Swift music got even more louder sum lites went on liting up the hole Grate Hall to reveel a horrible.

"Behold…. "The Robert Lettuce o-mouthed in terrer at the horrible see he saw. All the Hogwarts studans were stitched to gether from butt to mouth in a line "…THE HOGWARTS CENTIPEDE!12!"

"Help us Jenny" Hermany cried (Gobo Fraggle made her the centipede hed becos she was valetorian).

Gobo Fraggle was lollin an trollin wile the Hogwarts Centipede cryed with sadness. "Now to finally… tye up sum lose ends!" An he did a shot of magic onto Skepness Man.

Skepness mAN screemed as he was telepotatoed to anudder time.

"Bloody god save the queen hes more evil than even Father Comcast" Robert Lettuce britished an Rosolond nodded "He has tobe stoped" So they teemed up with me to fite him but Gobo just lolled a gain an shot magic beems at the Lettuce so they go protacted onto a wall.

"Jenny u must stop him yur are only hope!" Roslinde yelled as the final battal began.

**TO BE COTINUED!**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GET REDDY FOR THE MOST EXITIN FINAL CHAPTA COMIN SOON ITLL HAVE A TWIST LIKE NON BEFORE THAT ILL EXPLANE ALL MORE THAN EVER!111 FIND OUT NEXT TIME


	14. FINAL FITE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MARIO THANKS FOR CLEERIN IT UP BOUT TAYLOR SWIFT THAT GAVE ME A SUCH A GOOD IDEA THAT I MADE A NOO BACKSTORY OF GOBO FRAGGLE FROM IT!
> 
> OKAY U DEMANTED IT SO HEERS THE EXITING CONCLUDE OF

**HATTT POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE!**

**CHAPTER FINAL (FANTASY LOL): FINAL COMBAT**

Gobo Fraggle liftatated down towards me with a flowy robes like a cape an dramakshun music played. “[Poo Jenny Weesly. I new Harry Dumper wood be a hard fite so I made sure hed been robo balled to future but I didant spect u to beet Snape all ons yur owns.” He lolled with chargin up a magic attack wile I just stared with som much anger thath he didant even think I was powerfilled.

“I AM POWER FILLED AN I KILLED SNAPE ESSYLY AN I WILL KILL U JUST AS GOOD! 1!” I leeped up matrix style an front kicked him in the right face bloudin him.

“Well I am more than Snap ever was!?” Gobo eviled an shot beans of magic at me. The beamz made me fall like a speed till I hitted the grownd. Gob o landid full of evil wile taken a dagger from his fanny pack. “An besides I dont need to kill u my sleeve…” He lolled omininous wile takin off his shurt.

Wit the dagger Gobo Fraggle drubbed the dagger inot his chest an drew a pentergram on his chest. Blood skwirted out all ever were an started to stand up an…. It turned into blood demans!1!11 “My armee of demons will kill u for me!1” Gobo lolled to float up an did a sheld wile the demans closed in.

“I cant fite a hole armee!1” I yelled to the Lettuce twins an Skepness Man but Skepness Man was not there from bein in the past he was sent back to. “U have to Jenny Gobo has us in bondage an we cannt help” Rosolond yelled back. It was taken all my enjoy just to dodge there attacks with blood sords and maces made out of there hands (they can shape shift from bein made of blood).

One blood deman did s sucker punch uppacut so hard into my lower chin I floo into the sky an thru the ceeling an landed with a crunch crash on the roof. But then I also hit a thing that was a big lite that turned on when I hit it an it made a crown in the sky.

“OH WEMS SHES DONE THE QUEEN CYMBAL!” I heard Cobo showt an was confused. WTF was the queen cymbal? There was a big explode into the sky an a meter started fallin fast at Hogwarts an blammed thru the seelin makin a big explode.

Next I jamped down to investagate the crash an it had madea crater by Gobo. In the center was a gurl wearin a crown. It was…. QUEEN ELIZABETH! !1 (But rember this is the past so shes yung an hot an pretty like in Minons the movie GREATE FILM BTW THEY WAY)

“Oh no” I creamed. “Queen Elizaboth nows bout Hogwarts now but shes a magger!1” IF maggers new of Hogwarts it wood be a catatophe!

“No lol I went to Hogwarts as a gurl an Im actually a necromancer!” Queen E (I shorted it becos Elizabth takes more time to spell) said lollin. She quickly sumoanned up a army of zomboys an skeltons to fite the blood demons so we wood be on equal footin with Gobo Fraggle.

Gobo spitted a spit at me an it went on my face all gros she didant like it. I got more mad with inspratino did a spell I wasant powerfilled enuff to do before. “EXPECTO PATROLEUM!” I grunged loudly with a blast wave that burned off Gobos beard so he was more angry.

Queen E saw the nobeard Farggle an did a OMFGWTF look on her face with shock. “WOAH I REMBER U!1!” Gobo Fraggle o-mouthed in a “oh s***” face. “We was in the same class of Hogwarts an I rember why you turned to evil!11!”

I was exited at these shockin reveels. “What happened?” I q'ed to Queen 3.

“NO DON’T TELLER!” Bobo pleeted.

“U were dated by Taylor Swift but she breaked up with you an did a song bout it!” Queen E smirked with hands and hips. Gobo felled to his needs an cried.

“She wasp my one troo love AN SHE BETRATED ME AN TURNED MY HEART TO EVIL!’ He shot blasts of heat beans at me an eLIZAbeth with power but I went lo on the floor an it hit some off his own blood demans an I lolled an the funny dum on his part. But then Gobo got evil again an cockled with manically. "Speakin of was IIM a time wizard!1!” Rembering his powers Gobo Fraggle did a shoot of time warp that taked me an Queen E back into time!1

The time streem went warping and crazy an we apparated back into Hogwarts but… ITW WAS THE BAST! I cold tell becos the studants were riding wooly mammoths to school in stead of cars. Queen E didant care she was to filled with rage an flew up in the are an landed an spinned a bunch to kick back lots of blood demans then she propled forward towards Gobo Fraggle an crotch punched him!

Gobo reflected back an lumped over her with a poll valt. He punched thru summa Quewen Es zombees to see a gurl of blonde hare an signing styles. “HAHAHAHAHAAA NOW I WILL KILL U TWO AN GET MY REVENGE ON TAYLOR SWIOFT!1!” I looked an saw that the gurl was…. TAYLOR SWIFT!1

“Oh heeeeeeeellllllllllllllllllll no!” Taylor said an dump slapped him back. We desided to do a team up of me, Queen E and Taylor called da Gurl Power Fite Force! Rosilind wanted to be on the team to but cudant becos she was still tyed up an on the wall with Roberrt an she wasant a good fiter.

I spelled a magic at Taylor that did a powerup on her to really tall an she stomped an skiwshed Gobo but he got up with a sheeld! “REPAIR TO DYE FOOLS!” An he used the nife from before to thro at Queen E but I pushed her way just in time so the nife went an hitted into the eye an it exploded with lotsa gooy eye blood an goo to get all over me an Queen Eizbateh. so I magiked a eye patch onto me face like Dmoeman.

I was so made at the destraction of my eye that I did a banshee screem that breaked all thi windos in the Grate Hall an Harry Potters parents wh9o were bein students there got scarred. gOBO did a “noi more mister nice dude” face an made lazer beans come out of his hands to use of whips like in Iron Man 2.

“OLEH!” He matadored with whips that hit the ground and made explosioned a table in half. Queen Elsa grabbed Taylor an supn her round and round at fast speed till she was fast as a bullet an then let go an Taylor floo at bullet speed into Gobo Fraggle destructin his solar plexus. SGobo skidled back tearin up the floor. He standed up a little later almost okay but still hurt from the attack.

Just then… the past headmaster came into in the grate hall!1! “OMG what the world is goiin down here?” Said him. Gobo lolled so much evily as he ran up to Headmaster. \

“Hey Mista Headminister, whats that over dere?” Gobo asked an the Heammaster looked an didant see it an said “I didant see it.”

“Here let me show u” Gobo lolled an grabbed the headmisters head an snapped his neck. “NOOOOOOO THE HEADMASTER DIED!1!” I cryed softly. Taylor and Queen E quenched there fists. It was too much an Gobo had gone to far.

“We have to combine are forces to put him down! ” Said Tayalor so we joined hands with Queen E to channel are powers (me an Queen E were lizards but Taylor had the power of rock). Glowing happened round us with lots of power enamating from us all.

“KAME HAME HADOKEN!333338888)” We all shouted (LOL GETTIT THEY ARE BOTH FITE GAMES OF AMINE). A massive boom of heat enogy shoot out of us an into Gobo Fraggle. He floo across the room an went across the Grate Hall to were a kid was ridin in on his wooly mammer but Gobo hit onto it an was impaled on the mammoths tusk.

“NOOOOOOOOOOO WAT HAVE U DOOOOONE?! ?! ?” He started glowin brite as a flash light but with cracks of mega energy crackin him up. He bloated an bloated an bloated an bloated an blaoted until a huge explode came blowin up the hole place. The blast was gunna kill us but we hjad no time to escape an wood kill us.

The explode got ready to reech us but then….. A TIME PORTAL OPENED AN SKEPNESS MAN FLOO IN ON HIS TIME MASHINE JET PACK! He grabbed us up fast and furious (moive) an speeded way like super sanic speed past the exploshun that took Dogwarts up in booms.

Once the boomin was done, Skepness Man landed us on the floor. “My hero!” I happied to kiss him on the cheek bu Skepness Man pushed me a way an I fell. “I told yopu Jenny I already have a true love I met her wile I was portaled by Gobo Fraggle.”

Ever one got up an did cheers with hurray. Then the Lettuce twins “Skepness Man good job u did all right by us.” Robot congratulated with proud in his chest and Rosarind notted. “You are no reddy to do yur own misshuns.” Rosaldn said also.

Skepness Man was happiest ever an huged them an waved by. “By Jenny an others Im off to time!” An he jetapacked into a time streem. Queen E an Taylor held hands an said “We are goin back to Buggerham Palace to keep being the bloody Grrl Power Fite Force an wank those bad boys in the sods!”

They looked at me with held out hand “But we need are third member!” I smied with teers in my eye becos I new what had to be done now by me. “Surry gusy but I cant. The past hadmaster was killed so I will stay heer an be the new headmaster to protect the time streem.” Thley notted with there heads an Rabert said “Thats very brave an nobel of u Jenny”

So then Queen E an Taylor flew away to back to the present (AN: rember there present is still the past of ITS M Y LIFE!) wile I wave by a gain. Then all of sudden…. I FELLED OVEEER IN PANE!1 Vomit spewed form my onto the grownd. “Wats happen to me?”

The Lettuce twins o-mouthed an grabbed me an said “we gotta hurry u to are doctors office!” I waked up later in the Lettuce Dr Offics form were Harry got plaster surgery to be Wheatly but in the past still. I was in bed an Rosaldin Lettuce was givin me a ultrosund.

“Jenny the tests are in!” She said wile Robot was also there. “You are TRIPLE PREGNANT! One is Harrys, one Solders, an one Skepness Mans!” I o-mouthed in incredible shock. But then…. I peed wet stuff every were!

“Oh no!” Robert o-mouthed “The time travel altered yur maternal clock the babys are cuming NOW! !” That’s what the wet was… I WAS BREING IN LABER!11!

“Push will all your mite!” Screamed Roslozenge an I yelled an grunted an then I squirted out the three babies like pop! Pop! Pop! Robert caught the babies but was all grossed out becos they made him all yucky with placental remants. We lolled as he dum faced from the gross but he tossed me the babies an I caut them.

“I will name Harrys child Ron in onor of my brother, Solders will be named Medik an Skepness Mans childs name is…. Skepkitty!1!” I said proud. I cudant have time to be a mother wile being the head master so the Lettuce twins promised they wood take the babies an tgive them to good homes like Medik in Germany an Ron to my parents in the past (turns ot Ron is actually my sun!).

I was happy with the babies an nrusing them good but then… Robert got onto a nee!1232

“Rosalund” he said with lots of love “This has ade me realise how import an short live is so…. Will u merry me an we can have twin babies an live happily ever after?” I o-mouthed in shock and aww at the declare but Roseland frowned an said “No brother I want to keep goin on cool adventures!”

Rothert got real sad an cried but then Rosarind lolled “But who says we cant do both?” An then Robert was happy an they kissed an I was “awwww” an the camra got all blurry becos it was a happy endin. An that was the hole story of…. HARRY POTTER AN THE KILL OF SNAPE!

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL THAT WAS PROALLY THE GREATEST PREEK WILL EVER DONE IT SPLAINED ALOT AN NOW U NO THE FULL STORY OF WHEATLY AN ALSO WAT HAPPENED TO JENNY AN HERMIN. THANKS FO READIN ILL SEE U NEXT MAYBE IF I GET A GOOD IDEA.


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